Sunday, August 7, 2011

Thoughts on Pregnancy

Since I'm officially over halfway now, I thought it would be fun to share some of my thoughts on pregnancy thus far.
  • I really like not having to suck in my gut. In fact, I admit to sometimes pushing it out just to make a point that no, I'm not fat (although I've certainly gained in that department), I'm pregnant. Duh.
  • Getting up 123,845,908 times a night to pee has it's advantages: it makes the night feel longer and thus I can trick myself into believing that I'm actually getting more sleep than I think I am. Plus I can rest assured that the toilet, infact, is in perfectly good working order.
  • Babies are really flexible in the womb. Apparently being folded in half like an Auntie Anne's pretzel for several weeks doesn't faze them at all.
  • In the first trimester I hated sweet things. Fact: I once wouldn't eat baked beans because they were too "sweet". Now, however, anything with a killer dose of sugar or high-fructose corn syrup is fair game.
  • I am officially too tired to cook anymore. Many women eat healthier when they're pregnant - apparently I'm just the opposite.
  • Never piss off a pregnant lady. You'd have a better outcome pissing off a pimply and hormonal teenager with anger issues.
  • It's true: common sense flies out the window when a baby is coming to town.
  • Never ask a pregnant woman if she wants doughnuts while she's driving a vehicle. The following scenario might ensue - Tom: "Hey, do you want to get some doughnuts?" Me (slamming on the brakes and looking around wildly for the doughnut store): "DOUGHNUTS!!!"
  • This is the only time in my life I've ever been chided for actually losing weight and having to actually convince a nurse that yes, I really am eating food
  • When you're pregnant people find it acceptable to make all sorts of comments about your body. "Awww, you're waddling!" is apparently a compliment to a pregnant woman. However if I said it right back to that person I bet it wouldn't be taken as a compliment. (and I was tempted)
  • Tom likes me when I'm pregnant because I'm more like him: I eat alot, I like the house cold, and I sleep all the time.
  • I now know what a drug addict probably feels like.
  • I'm thankful for awesome neighbors who told me that Busch NA existed. I've wondered more than once if it would be weird/illegal to bring my own beverage out to dinner with me.
  • It should be a law that every store has a "Expectant Mothers" parking spot alongside the handicapped ones. Because really, we're sort of handicapped, too.
  • We are buried in ultrasound photos. Our baby is going to have a full photo album before he's even born.
  • I now have absolute master control over the thermostat at home, and am prepared at work incase disaster strikes with both a fan and a space heater at my desk.
  • "Pregnancy Brain" really exists. And even if it doesn't, this is the only time it's acceptable to blame my stupid mistakes on my hormones. Which I've done countless times already.
  • When shopping, sometimes Tom has to put his hands on either side of my face like horse blinders so we can actually leave the store without getting sidetracked.
  • We should really invest in some Breyers Ice Cream shares, because I'm pretty sure I've kept their profits in the green for the past 6 months.
  • Never before have I specifically been ordered to "be a couch potato" by a Doctor.
And that's it for now. Do you have any of your own thoughts on pregnancy to add?

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